


Happiness

by Rantsofafangirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, just incase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rantsofafangirl/pseuds/Rantsofafangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three months since Barry rescued Eddie from Zoom's captivity in Earth Two and Eddie still hasn't adjusted to being back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happiness

Eddie was exhausted beyond anything he’d ever experienced. It was a deep exhaustion that completely consumed him. Before he always had that little glimmer of warmth inside him which told him he’d be okay, that if he kept going and pretend like everything was fine, then eventually it would be. But those sorts of feelings were long gone and all that was left was a gaping hole in his chest. The scar on his chest was a physical reminder of that.  
  
He now sat in a bath that has long since gone cold. It was the only place he knew would allow him some privacy, something he hadn’t much of since being rescued from Zoom. After almost a year of captivity and torment, the constant stream of visitors checking up on him was overwhelming. He knew they meant well but some days, like today, it was it took everything out of Eddie to try and act like he was fine. To not jerk away when somebody other than Barry touched him or when he had to stop himself from cowering when he heard the loud bang from Cisco who’d accidentally dropped a tray he was putting away in the other room.  
Eddie didn’t like being alone but at least here it was quiet.  
  
He swatted at the small amount of bubbles that remained. The water was now murky but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to stand up. Eddie sighed and slumped further down into the water. He didn’t know how much time had passed, caught up in his own thoughts when he heard a gentle knock on door.  
  
“Give me a second,” Eddie called. His voice cracked. He sighed again and wiped at his eyes, wincing at the soap that was caught there.  
  
As the door creaked open Eddie quickly shut the shower curtain.  
  
“Babe?” It was Barry’s voice, gentle and worried. “It’s just me. Can I come in?”  
  
Eddie’s shoulders shook with tears he refused to let fall. Slowly, he composed himself as best he could. “You can come in”  
  
The door shut close and Eddie heard a soft click of the lock, Gentle footsteps approached him before Barry tentatively pulled the shower curtain back. Barry greeted him a small smile as he put a towel down on the ledge of the bath before finally sitting.  
  
“Hey,” he whispered.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“How are you?” Eddie shrugged and sank deeper into the water.  
  
“Want to come closer?” Eddie shifted, turning in the bathtub so his head was closer to Barry. He placed it on his boyfriend’s knee. Barry didn’t say anything about his wet hair, He just cradled his arm around Eddie’s head, resting his hand on his chin.  
  
“Are you in a bad place again?”  
  
“Not as bad as you’re thinking,” Eddie said trying to reassure him with a smile.  
  
Barry just nodded and gently stroked his thumb along Eddie’s chin. Eddie leaned into his touch.  
  
“I just want it to stop,” Eddie croaked. “I don- I don’t want to remember what happened any more. I’m sick of him being in my head. Making me angry and telling me I should hate you, but I don’t Barry, I don’t hate you.”  
  
“I know.” Barry whispered. He pressed a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head.  
  
“You’re the only thing that’s keeping me going right now and it scares me sometimes. You have been so patient with me, it’s been 3 months and I’m still like this…” _useless and a burden_ he thought to say but chose not to.  
“I guess I’m not trying hard enough to get better.”  
  
“You are Eddie and you’re getting better,” Barry reassured him. “The night terrors are almost gone.”  
  
Those were the worst. The nights where Barry would wake up to the sounds of Eddie’s pained screams, his whole body drenched in sweat as he yelled out, begging and pleading for them to find him. The memories and images of what Zoom put him through were overwhelming. As real as if he was still there. Some nights Barry was able to bring him back. Other nights Barry bore the brunt of it, holding him down as he thrashed about yelling an angry litany of curses and insults at him until pure exhaustion wore him down. Eddie doesn’t remember those nights, he only knew about them after he overheard Barry talking to Caitlin. But now he knows when he has them by the sad guilt ridden looks Barry gives him the next morning.  
  
  
“It’s going to take time babe.” Barry was now pushing his wet hair from around his face.  
  
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, okay? Especially me. You’ve amazed me at how far you’ve come. I’m so proud of you, Eddie.”  
  
He turned his head down and shrugged Barry’s hand away.  
  
“Sorry,” Barry responded, not sure about what he had done. “I’m still not good at this.”  
  
Eddie chuckled, sad and broken. “It’s okay. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too,” Barry said. Eddie lifted his head up off of Barry’s lap as Barry leaned over to gently kiss him on the lips.  
  
  
“Let’s get you out of this cold bath and into bed. I’ll even watch the baseball game with you and act excited when they face away.”  
  
“That’s hockey” Eddie corrected him. Barry sighed  
  
“I knew I shouldn’t have asked Caitlin for sporting advice” Barry mumbled in annoyance his face blushing in embarrassment.  
A small smile crept on Eddie’s face and for the first time in over a year he genuinely laughed. It was soft and the sincerity didn’t quite meet his eyes but it was enough for Barry judging by the way he smiled back at him.  
  
Yeah things weren’t okay, not just yet, but the way Barry looked at him right now gave Eddie enough hope to believe that it could be.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to IAMX's song Happiness too much and thinking horrible thoughts. Forgive me.
> 
> I might continue add more to this and make it a series. I'm not too sure yet. Perhaps some things from Barry's POV and a little bit more about Eddie's time away and the night terrors? 
> 
> Anyway until then you can check out my tumblr page.  
> http://rantsofafangirl.tumblr.com/


End file.
